i find it fascinating how quickly and easily i leave things behind me. and not just small things, but vast, meaningful events are dropped and forgotten like “dust in the wind.” i suppose i should have said fascinating – and terrifying. longtime friends are practically forgotten once they leave my immediate vicinity. locations i once cherished as home fall by the wayside with hardly a second thought. even the sudden death of those extremely close to me is met with a distinct “meh.” everything that was important once is no longer. well, i shouldn’t say everything. it seems the only thing that remains steady is my interest in the accumulation of knowledge – useless knowledge, to be sure, but i desire it in vast quantities. maybe i just don’t have room in my memory banks for the important stuff now that it’s filled with bric-a-brac. sad, maybe. someday, when i die cold and alone, with nothing but my books to keep company, i’ll likely wish i had taken a different tack in life.
it’s odd to have to try to keep at something so simple and inherent to humanity as maintaining good friendships.
last weekend was somewhat tamer without sage around to fuck shit up. the only real excitement i can recall was attending the bar on friday night, where we received hella swag from the jack daniels girl, zurm didn’t show up (the bastard!) and hat sam, sherwood and i beat the high score on erotic photo hunt (a huge accomplishment, just so you know). i also saw two of the guys in my law school group – ostensibly, two of the three people who i actually “know” in law school. we made awkward eye contact once or twice, but by and large did our best to ignore each other. fine by me – they looked boring anyway, sucking slowly at that one beer, hardly interacting with their comrades at the table, eying the bar like foreign territory that might erupt in violence or flames at any moment. at least that would be a lawsuit! i’ll bet their lips would curl back in a fantastic grin if that were the case.
speaking of “the law,” i am tentatively stating that at the end of this semester, there’s a good chance i will discontinue my education in that direction. the work is not hard. the reading is not awful. the teachers are (except for one extraordinarily shining example) very nice and good at what they do. i just don’t have an interest. everyone else seems to want to learn, want to get good at this stuff so they can have professional careers. i, on the other hand, am wasting a scholarship and my parents good money for what will likely amount to a decadent resume addition. really, i want to get a masters in english and pursue a professorship, or something akin to that. maybe something that will let me get back into writing or, at the very least, creativity in general.
anyhow, law school – you’re on notice.