On the Road Again

I’m going to Germany tomorrow. Heads up, everybody! Literally – look up! I will probably be in a very large airplane, flying over you. I will also be flying over a vast ocean, several islands, probably some ice, maybe some ducks and like, fish and massive floating trash gyres. They should all look up too.

This will be my first time traveling overseas. I hope I don’t break anything. Like, my bones or the fragile Eurozone economy. It’s always rude to travel thirteen hours to see someone, only to upend their entire system of banking. Also, I’d like to be able to exchange money for goods and services while I’m in Germany. I hear there is a thriving prostitution market, for example.

I’m learning a little bit of German before I go. I have a book entitled, “Learn German in a Hurry.” This title is apt, because I started reading it today and I leave tomorrow. So far I have learned that “in a hurry” is spelled “im Schnellgang!” in German. I wonder why they spell it that way, seems like the English version is much easier to pronounce. Maybe I’ll find out why if I read further than the cover, but I’m scared to really start learning. What if I learn so much German I forget English? Then I could never come home again and my plant would probably die.

Sage is going to be my faithful companion on this whirlwind adventure. We went out west together a few summers back, along with Steve and Natalie. After 2+ weeks on the road, lacking food, showers, and enough personal space in the car to adjust our sweaty balls, we somehow managed to not kill each other or spread any communicable diseases. I think that bodes well for this trip, since we’ll only be gone six days. Hardly enough time for annoyance to turn to anger, anger to turn to hate, hate to turn to loathing, and loathing to turn to a contract killer.

The real wild card here will be Phill, our old friend and current expat. Maybe I won’t say why he’s a wild card and will just let the mystery terrorize you as my lack of posts becomes unbearable. Is Phill the wild card because he might eat us? Might he sell our organs to pay for his insatiable glue addiction? Have Slaughterhouse Club updates ceased because Phill, Sage, and Cody are having too much fun???

Auf wiedersehen, schweinhunds!

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