Backkk in the US of A

They say that time flies when you’re having fun and I think this extra-long-extendo weekend in Germany proved “them” right. Apparently, I’m back in the states now and the vacation is over and I have to go to work in the morning. Surprise! Time sped up and now life is boring again. Another sign of time flying: my facial hair is out of control, somewhere between lumberjack and hair growth product test patient. Every time I touch my face I flinch. Upside: I’ve discovered just how often I touch my face during the day (too often, weird often).

This post is probably going to seem disjointed because I’ve been up for almost 24 hours now. Time may fly when you’re having fun, but it does not fly when you’re actually flying. In those cases, it stands still or reverses or inverts or becomes tomato soup, I don’t know – all I do know is that I gained eight hours today and that’s crazy. I am so tired, though. In Germany, it’s past 2 a.m. I wandered around the little town of Mehlingen at 2 a.m. the other night. I even heard the rathaus bells toll, possibly just for me. Do you know what everyone else in town was doing at 2 a.m.? They were sound fucking asleep. Admittedly, I was also a bit drunk and listening to Childish Gambino. While wandering through rural/suburban Germany at 2 a.m. I must be some kind of crazy.

I’m going to make an effort to chronologically collect the events of my vacation in future posts. In this post I’m just typing things as I think of them because that is all my brain is capable of. Let’s make this easier by creating a list.

Things I noticed today upon returning to Chicago that Europe does much better:

  • Airports don’t look as worn in Europe (although sometimes they appear to be forever under construction).
  • Workers appear to give a shit or at least half a shit about everything, including, but not limited to, their job.
  • Customs is hyper-efficient in Europe.
  • Vaulted ceilings are more common.
  • Most Europeans dress like they might actually be seen by other human beings.
  • Highways are located at a higher elevation than the surrounding countryside so you have something to admire while driving.
  • Europe lacked litter.
  • No fucking traffic jams on I-94/90 ugh my god a traffic jam at fucking 3 in the afternoon no one should be driving then they should be at goddamn work or dead.

I don’t wan to make it seem like I hate good ol’ ‘Merica though. Here’s a list of things I noticed today upon returning to Chicago that ‘Merica does better:

  • Americans speak English (smetimes).
  • The first thing you smell is McDonalds.
  • Americans have a really hip bike culture that Germany surprisingly lacked.
  • Highway signs actually make sense.
  • The road system doesn’t seem particularly inclined to kill you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *