Or maybe not “thank God,” since God is now a location on the political spectrum. I’ll stick to the good old bi-partisan thanks: Thank the American flag, the bald eagle, the Statue of Liberty, and a tumbler of Jack Daniels that it’s election day.
Because I am sick and fucking tired of this election.
I just want to get back to whoever doing whatever in Washington D.C. in such a way that I don’t have to hear about it 24/7 via all my social networks. I get that Romney will burn down your house and rape your great aunt and that Obama once flipped off a box of puppies, kittens, and babies, but I don’t think that’s going to matter too much in the grand scheme of things. Our political system is so delightfully convoluted that no matter who is president, people will be yelling and very little will get done. That’s the way it’s been for almost 250 years now and, as a proud American, I look forward to another 250 years of stagnation.
In all seriousness, though, I understand the importance of voting, that my opinion does count (although not as much as the electoral college) and that I am “exercising my rights.” I could also exercise my rights by shooting a defenseless black boy or “surgically” bombing a foreign country – Americans seem to have a lot of strange rights these days. Voting seems like one of the few rights that won’t get anyone killed, which is reason enough for me to take part.
It’s easy to be cynical about this shit. I started the last paragraph with “In all seriousness” and then lost that thread by the third or fourth word. I think we could all stand to be less cynical about politics. I’m not furthering any real political discussion by mocking our election process or two-party system. I’m just saying that’s it’s not working. That seems to be what most people are doing – stating the obvious, essentially. Even the politicians can’t stop focusing on what’s wrong: Economy, health care, vaginas, etc. Instead of the handful of debates between candidates, I’d prefer they sit down for a half hour and state what they like about each other, or even just what they like about America. That would honestly be both more revealing and more appealing and maybe, just maybe, would make me proud to state who I voted for.
But as a nation and a people, we can’t seem to stop mixing our cheap thrills with who will be leading the free world. The more I see people posting about Romney’s opinion on the ladies or Obama’s secret war against terrorism, the more I realize that this is basically the same as tabloid fodder. For some insane psychological reason, we honestly seem to be more thrilled by the flaws of political candidates than by their charms. Where are the posts about Romney being a good father or Obama making a clever joke at a state dinner? This election season, I feel like I was only ever informed why I should vote for no one. “They both suck, let’s go home” is not a powerful rallying cry, but it’s the one that I feel has been pressed on myself and the American public.
But I’ll still vote. You should too, if only so we can get this day over with and move on.