A Phone Call from Charter

Imagine telemarketing back in the era of telegraphs. "Finally! Jimmy sent us a message from the front! Let's see what he had to OH GOD DAMN IT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN FILLING OUT YOUR SURVEY!"

me:  charter called to inform me that they have a better deal on internet

Ian:  great!

Ian:  get some!

me:  but i have to call their special service line to get it

Ian:  aw

me:  you’d think they’d tell me about the deal and give it to me in one call, save some time and money

Ian:  why not call the special service line then

Ian:  call and ask that

Ian:  ask them if they have seen my neighbor totoro

Ian:  then describe the plot ad nauseum

me:  it’s probably so they can try and sell me something when i call back

me:  this guy didn’t try and sell me any packages

me:  it was great

Ian:  he was just letting you know

me:  1-888-GETCHARTER seems like too many numbers

me:  way too many

Ian:  at least 3

Ian:  maybe they’re doin phones differently now

me:  or maybe that’s the trick

me:  they tell you about the better deal but you can’t actually get it

me:  just taunting you

Ian:  you need the premium phone service so you can call extra long numbers

Ian:  call up to 3 extra digits!

Ian:  10$ extra per month per digit

Ian:  rollover digits

Ian:  call a REALLY long number next month

Ian:  or maybe only government agencies can call the longest numbers

Ian:  special govt band telephone

me:  that charter number actually goes straight to the phone that launches all the nuclear missiles

me:  a terrorist plot to get some unsuspecting civilian to call the number

me:  or maybe i’m special

me:  a typo in the code somewhere

me:  the only people who can launch all the missiles: Barack Obama and…some guy, Dakota Morgan, whoever that is

Ian:  maybe you’re the one

Ian:  the remainder of all the equations

me:  i’m like neo

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