Month: February 2014

This Coffee Tastes Like

Coffee is so gross. I don’t understand how people grasp complex flavors within this hideous brown sludge. And I’m talking about ostensibly good coffee here, brewed in an upscale coffeehouse by some guy with more tattoos than skin who takes much greater pride in brewing the perfect cuppa than providing middling to decent customer service. This is the kind of…

Meet Elmer

It’s love at first sight. His drab brown suit, rumpled shirt, and ill-fitting khakis. The way he shuffles into the restaurant like he’s lost. Those glasses, thick and foggy, perpetually a syllable away from being pulled gently off his nose. And the hair, my God, the hair. Billowing, wafting, gray, and frequently full of soup. Yes please, Elmer, come dine…