Dear Mr. Rutlicker
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me yesterday morning about the Dinosaur Excellence Program. I really appreciated our discussion about dinosaurs and I’m thrilled to potentially be a part of such a prestigious program in the field of researching why dinosaurs are so cool.
As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve spent almost my entire life advocating for dinosaur awesomeness. From the tender age of two, when I first received a plush, purple T-Rex stuffed animal, to my recent college endeavors as Chancellor of the Dinosaurs Rule! Club, I have always been strongly in favor of dinosaurs. Just last year I organized a rally for Pterodactyls that was attended by over ten individuals! And, as you know, Pterodactyls are one of the least appreciated dinosaurs of late Cretaceous period. Often considered the “disease-ridden bats” of the time period, I’ve been working tirelessly to show people that Pterodactyls are not, in fact, bats, but are actually really cool flying dinosaurs that might be the ancestors of birds. I believe it’s just this sort of organizational and collaborative experience that you’re looking for in the Dinosaur Excellence Program.
My incomplete dual degrees in Paleontology and Law have also left me very prepared for a place in the Dinosaur Excellence Program. All of my paleontology classes taught me that dinosaurs are super duper rad and my law classes dramatically improved my ability to tell other people that they’re wrong about dinosaurs. One of my fondest memories is of spending the entire three-hour lecture period of my Contracts class listing the coolest dinosaurs. While my classmates were largely disgusted that I had derailed an important class with a pointless tangent, I felt like I had educated them on a far more crucial topic than when a contract becomes void. I’m certain that they will thank me later when they’re suing a dinosaur.
Perhaps most importantly, I feel like I would excel as a member of the Dinosaur Excellence Program because I’ve spent the last ten years living as a dinosaur. Roaming across campus at night, hunting down stray students was considered a nuisance by the school board and was ultimately the reason behind my expulsion, but I feel like it was a crucial learning experience that taught me a great deal about what it means to be cool like a dino. I now intimately understand how cool it is to be cold-blooded, to have colorful, lightly feathered skin, and to tear into the warm guts of your prey, chowing down on the raw intestines while hot red blood and effluvium seeps between your massive dinosaur teeth. I think this ten years of first-hand dinosaur experience is exactly what the Dinosaur Excellence Program needs to achieve its long-term goal of a dinosaur on the moon.
I’m grateful for your consideration, Mr. Rutlicker, as well as the consideration of your esteemed colleagues. I know you work with some of the finest minds in dinosaur radness research, so simply the thought of my name being bandied about between your colleagues thrills me almost as much as the thought of a pack of Velociraptors and a Carnotaurus fighting over a rotting Diplodocus corpse. Thanks again for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.