Category: Inexplicable Essay

Crucifixion Confusion

I’m told it’s Good Friday today. I guess I had a “good friday” – the sun is shining, temperatures above freezing, I took a relatively memorable dump. All good things. These religious holidays, though, I don’t know. I mean that literally – I really don’t know anything about them. Is Good Friday for me? A blessing upon my day? Or…

In Defense of Hot People Having Sex: A Response to “Girls”

These days you can’t consider yourself a serious essayist unless you’ve written a piece about the television series Girls and how its portrayal of twenty-something New Yorkers is eerily spot on for an entire generation of twenty-something Americans. And you can only consider yourself a double-serious essayist if you’ve written a piece about Girls’ laser-like focus on sex between two…

Writer’s Blindness

If I ever hand you a business card of mine – an odd and unlikely experience, to be sure – you might be unsurprised to find that my profession is “Writer.” Fact: I am employed by a large health care software corporation as a technical writer. This means I spend my days agonizingly documenting the myriad tiny updates software developers…

Close to Home

Sometimes I take a day off from writing and that day becomes a week. Good thing I caught myself now, since that week could just as easily have become a fortnight. Or maybe a megasecond, which is equal to 1 million seconds or approximately 11.6 days. After that, the lustrum (5 years), followed by an indiction (15 years). The more…

What I Am Thankful For

Back in 1629, or whenever the hell the Pilgrims first crashed into Plymouth Rock, scouted the bleak, forested landscape, and decided it would be a good place to raise a family and/or starve, I feel like the Pilgrims had something real to be thankful for. For them, not being drowned, starved, or burned alive by a crowd of wild-eyed Protestants…

Election Day Blues

Thank God it’s election day. Or maybe not “thank God,” since God is now a location on the political spectrum. I’ll stick to the good old bi-partisan thanks: Thank the American flag, the bald eagle, the Statue of Liberty, and a tumbler of Jack Daniels that it’s election day. Because I am sick and fucking tired of this election. I…