Category: Lyfe

Five Ways for a Gentile to Celebrate Thanksgivukkah

Once in a coon’s age (which literally translates to 77,798 years), the first day of Hanukkah falls on Thanksgiving. This clash of ancient religion and modern gluttony is fascinating in how it’s largely been embraced by today’s culture – enough to bestow upon the event the mouthful of a portmanteau, “Thanksgivukkah.” Or “Chanksgiving” if you’re a hipster. But I’m not…

Hey Girl Shelving Books at the Book Store

I love your dress. Simple, blue, sleek, accentuating all the right curves. I’m enamored with your ankle-high boots too, and those artfully etched black tights. Your hair is a marvel, curled tightly, elaborately into a perfectly unruly head party. And your features…I’d describe them, but I don’t think there are words. Basically, girl, I think you’re pretty. I’d like to…

Adrift in Nostalgia

There’s a smell in the air tonight. It’s the smell of fall, but I don’t mean the season. The air isn’t crisp and dry, redolent of smoke and leaves. It’s wet out, muggy, a damp, thick evening that feels more like June in the deep south than October in the midwest. And yet… It smells like fall. It smells like…

Erratum, or The Last Few Weeks Pt. 2

When I’m not busy curing world hunger or throwing live rattlesnakes at orphans, you’ll typically find me reclined by the rooftop pool, surrounded by neighbors up there to soak up the sun. Like the yellow head of a sunflower stalk, they incrementally adjust themselves to achieve maximum UV exposure. Also like plants, they’re exceptionally vegetative. It’s rare that I see…

Erratum, or The Last Few Weeks Pt. 1

I’ve actually written quite a bit lately – I wrote a post describing my hike around a lake in northern Wisconsin, but it wasn’t quite redolent enough, didn’t exude those humorous, risque fumes I find so delectable. I also wrote something about bees, I think, and about the wide variety of people who walk into Trader Joe’s on a Sunday…

At a Wedding

I shift uncomfortably in the pew, the seat too stiff, unyielding. This furniture wasn’t designed for a wedding, it was designed with a puritanical notion of comfort as sin, relaxation as the devil’s playtime. Families heaved themselves onto these cold wooden benches out of duty, not excitement. Perhaps that’s why I’m uncomfortable. I’m too excited. The procession flows leisurely down…

Homewrecking

I pushed a robin’s nest out of my patio rafters this evening. I meant the bird no harm, it’s just that the mud and grass and especially the poop were keeping me from enjoying my patio. As a red-blooded male member of the human race, it felt like my God-given right and duty to destroy what this tiny, feathered animal…

Firing Guns with Boys

Stepping into a gun shop is like visiting a liquor store that only sells nebuchadnezzars of wine. It’s impressive, imposing, and you honestly don’t think you can handle one of what they’re selling. But still…it makes you kinda thirsty. The guns are arrayed throughout the store like power tools at a hardware store, with just as much variety and absurdity.…

Week Two Without My Computer

It’s been over two weeks now since I last used my desktop computer. I’ll freely admit to being a nerd or geek or whatever – cut me off my computing resources and I’ll shrivel up and die like a slug coated in salt. My real response was actually closer to an addict going cold turkey. The first few hours without…